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Seizures - averaging 4-5 times a week and takes a long time to recover because afterwards I get hit bigtime with
Migrains
Asthma
COPD
You know, I hate this. I don't want to feel like i have to document this to protect my job.
The seizures are stopping me from living anything close to a normal life right now, just staying home. I am dictating this to my husband because it gives me problems
I can't watch tv - same issue
I am not allowed to drive
I went to local grocery store with my brother driving me for less than 20 minues and I was comatose for a couple of days afterwards. I think it was the flourescent lighting - but doctor said it could be the flickering of the lights and sun casting shadows on the road - which can also cause issues.
I am even more pissed off, incoherent and don't know what the hell I can do.
They have another EEG test schedulced for the 30th - the are moving my care from the nice local hospital to the huge UVA hospital that has one of the best neuro group in the country- but the end of the month was the earliest I could get. The EEG is a 24 hour thing like before, but I have to do it at the hospital and not the kind where you wear the equipment home.
The doctor told me that repeated frequent seizures can cause permenant damage and sometimes they have to do surgery to get it under control. Ick. It is a type of lobotomy, but I am not looking to that soon.
They keep switching meds as they seem to have little to no effect on the seizures. The only thing that has helped so far is complete darkness and avoiding trigger smells, etc. Every time a seizure medicine does not work, it decreases the chance of them being able to control the seizures.
Mom has been collecting random facts for me to try to explain this stuff, I will get her to email it to hubby and post later.
This is no way to live.
http://www.epilepsyfoundation.org/advoc
When i have the petit mal seizure, I freeze up and loose time and memory for a while - and it takes a long time to get back to normal. The time to recover is getting better now with the meds, so I feel confident this is what is going on.
I had an MRI - they were afraid it was a stroke - but that is perfect. Next they have to send me to a neurologist to do an eeg (brainwaves) and a CAT scan, but the fact the migraine and seizure meds are slowly helping is a very good sign. The seizure med really takes about two weeks to fully work, so I REALLY want to be back to work monday. My speech is better when - it gets bad after an attack, but not as bad as it had been. Thank god.
My car has been at work for the past three weeks because I could not drive home. The doctor did say I may not be able to drive for a long time/ever, which annoys the heck out of me. I can get in a van pool, though. It actually goes right by my driveway because the van driver lives on the same street as me, so that is not gonig to be a problem. Long term that may save me a lot of money.
Light triggers the migraines, so I am logging off for now and going to sleep.
second week and it is still kicking my ass
I have been having vertigo so strong I cant walk straight
I have also been having facial numbness and ringing in my ears, which is disconerting.
The strange this is with the dizziness, I have been having memory lapses. Like I am losing time. Now is not a good time to be re-watching the sciFi series - taken. Too many years of those types of dreams along with the dizzy spells creep me out.
I have an MRI tuesday. The doctors are leaning towards migraine/inner ear infection/labrythitis/they really have no idea so the give it a name and rule out everything else with lots of tests along the way to rule out a .00001 chance of it actually being a brain tumor.
Funny thing is, mom has had an inoperable brain tumor/pituitary tumor they found when she was in her late 30's.
Mom also has epilepsy- petit mal seizures - so mom is convinced this is what is happening to me. They only found it because she had a siezure when they were doing an EEG for the pituitary tumor at Johns Hopkins.
I am having a momentary period of lucidness - clear headed a little.
http://www.labyrinthitis.org.uk/
I hate talking to people, though, because the dizziness/whatever the hell it is makes me forget half way through a sentence.
They did neurological function tests - it was not a stroke - which is what I thought when my face/forehead felt a bit numb.
I am really pissed off/scared/frustrated.
The two other dogs and two cats can see it as well. This weekend was a doggie vigil, we all lay near here giving her comfort.
Even the old, grumpy cat make a stop on the bed with us, gazing knowingly at the dog. It was as if to say, I ignored you, you ignored me - thanks for respecting my space.
Spike has been seen around this weekend, too. Those two were adorable when Spike was a baby. I think sometimes the gold speckles are him, but sometimes they feel stronger than a spirit as well.
Today will be a long, hard day. Pearl goes to the vet. I have to see an endocrinologist about my blood/health problems. It took 2 months to get an appointment with this doctor. I get my performance review at work today. David starts his new job today.
I will be tired tonight - maybe too tired to post.
Turn it back onto he
Who turned the anger towards me
Let them see it is unjustified
See that karma is done right
This was a dream spell I wrote
Some of the herbs I thought of when I woke up in my dream journal. I looked up the description in luckymojo.
I am not really sure who this is for or what I am to do with this. Maybe it will strike a cord with someone?
Name of Herb: CEDAR WOOD CHIPS
Use in Magic: Used to draw a two-armed cross on the ground to peacefully cause an unwanted person to move.
Name of Herb: CHIA SEED
Use in Magic: To stop gossip and back-biting; may be added to Slippery Elm Bark for this purpose.
Name of Herb: EUCALYPTUS
Use in Magic: To drive away pestiferous people and also for personal cleansing after contact with evil.
Name of Herb: MUSTARD SEED, BLACK (BROWN)
Use in Magic: To disrupt the activities of unwanted associates or troublesome, meddling people.
Name of Herb: PEPPER, BLACK
Use in Magic: To get rid of evil or to cast evil onto someone; to make someone move out of your way.
Name of Herb: PEPPER, RED flakes
Use in Magic: To make problems for someone, cause a break-up, make them move out; also for cleansing.
Name of Herb: PEPPER, RED whole pods
Use in Magic: To make problems for someone, cause a break-up, make them move out; also for cleansing.
Name of Herb: SENECA SNAKE ROOT (MILKWORT, RATTLESNAKE ROOT)
Use in Magic: A magic herb to protect from liars, false friends, backbiters, and "snakes in the grass."
This was my daily card reading and horoscope. I guess I have to get my ass in gear:
The alliance of Strength and the Moon indicates that you are in perfect control of your emotions today, dear kristine. You are sure of your own feelings and of your partner's, a perfect communion between two hearts that is giving your relationship a powerful boost. The relationship has reached a new stage, and is now a powerful bond that will allow both of you to approach the future with confidence. In the professional sphere, Strength boosts your working life with a new vigor. After a period of confusion - represented by the Fool, you embark on new projects with enthusiasm and confidence in your abilities. You prove your effectiveness in your role and show your co-workers that you've got what it takes to make the most of these new responsibilities. Great stuff! Knock 'em dead!
...
other reading
In your personal life, kristine, you couldn't find yourself in a better position. The time is ripe to thumb your nose at your demons once and for all. Complexes, guilt, and fears of all kinds are sent packing. It could even be that the radical "housecleaning" you will be undertaking will affect your professional career, as you become aware to what an extent you have been underestimating yourself...
Next morning - WHAM!
I knew I needed the protective layer of dirt on my car.
Never again am I washing my car!!
Of course everyone noticed my car this morning as they were coming in as I get in so early. They made sure to pop into my class and mention the tarp on the back of my car to try to stop water damage when it rained. Funny people!
ounty-officer-dies/
I knew this woman. She was on the cleaning crew at work and I saw her a
few times a day. She did not speak much English, so most people ignored her. I always spoke to her, and she really was improving in her English. She seemed happy to have a friendly person to pay attention and help her out. Sometimes she would ask what a word meant and would get very excited when she was right. She seemed horribly unhappy and angry, to most other people in the office, and they did not like her.
I know why now she seemed so sad and angry to others. She was running from her husband who was abusive and she ran out into the road to get the police and was hit by the officer. They were responding to her terrified call to help her.
Myron knew the officer that hit her, so between the two of us, we were feeling a little somber all day. I also feel very badly for the police officer who hit the lady. I can't
imagine trying to live with this type of situation, either.
I am covered in hives this morning so I am my moms house waiting to see the Dr for some steroids. Hives make me really pissy.
I am pretty sure it is from the dust spewed out from sanding the floor to get it prepped. Once I am on the prednisone (for only a couple of days) I will have a short window of being able to finish up the job without it making my allergies worse. I will be working like a demon sorting out old crap as well. On the up side, the steroids get me VERY HYPED up for a could of days, so I will need to burn off my energy in a focused manner.
Mom was funny yesterday. She is obsessive about a project like I am when she gets started - it runs in the family. She is actually worse than me- I am fairly certain she could literally work herself to death when she gets started. Mom called me last night to make sure I was not scraping the floor anymore and sent my brother over to make sure I had stopped. My hand got so tired the other night that I was using my left hand to scrape the floor- and it slipped and cut up my hand. It feels much better now, but as you can see from the other post it made a bit of a mess. Mom saw the floor and knew exactly what I had done - which is why she called me last night. If I did not stop I would end up looking like Hoops in my user pic.
I am almost finished scraping so the buld of the remaining work is sanding. I like sanding as I can use my left hand without any problems. I do some jobs with my right and some with my left. I draw and shade some with my left hand- it is just not as strong as my right.
Babbling again.
Happy Litha, everyone!
Maybe I will watch the show Dead Like Me while I work on my floor. Mason always makes me smile.
Transition to George standing with Mason, who is using Roxy's keys
to clean out several parking meters. George carries two bags for
Mason.
MASON: Consciousness depends on how much blood you've got in your
brain.
GEORGE: Does it?
MASON: Yes. The more blood flow through your brain, the better it
works. Its all about stimulation.
GEORGE: How does putting a hole in your skull get more blood to your
brain? I mean, I would think it would have the opposite effect.
MASON: Yeah, I asked the same question. They gave me an answer, I'm
fairly certain it made sense. Now I just can't bloody remember what
it was.
GEORGE: Okay. Well, um, what does this have to do with getting a
day job?
MASON: Stimulation. Monotony is the mind killer. You're not going
to get that blood pumping sitting behind a desk.
GEORGE: Stimulation don't pay my rent.
MASON: Then learn to live off the wild.
GEORGE (VO): It all sounded very glamorous, but I had to consider
the source. After all, he drilled a hole in his head chasing a
permanent high.
Flash back to 1966. A drill falls to the floor, followed by Mason.
Blood spills out across the floor.
GEORGE (VO): Too bad, it got away from him.
________________________________________
From: XXXX
Sent: Friday, November 11, 2005 3:17 PM
To: Kristine
Subject: RE: Document1
you are the most caring, loving, forgiving person I know. You are
always concerned about other people regarding their needs. I think you
are in the wrong business. You are in the right place now because it was
meant for us to meet. I wish there were more people on this earth like
you. It would be a better place. I know I don't talk much but I observe
a lot. We need to write something about you. You are a fine example of
an employee.
I was sharing with my mom this morning before work about the Beltane/New Moon ritual from the night before. I gave her the little May basket from the evening. With full sun, the pansy would croak in two days in the hot sun before I could get home from work to water. Mom shared a tale of creating May baskets when she was very young and secretly putting them in front of neighbors doors, ringing the bell and running off. I thought it was very sweet May tradition that has been lost over time.
It's a tradition that Louisa May Alcott wrote of in "Jack and Jill" (Chapter 18): "The job now in hand was May baskets, for it was the custom of the children to hang them on the doors of their friends the night before May-day; and the girls had agreed to supply baskets if the boys would hunt for flowers, much the harder task of the two. Jill had more leisure as well as taste and skill than the other girls, so she amused herself with making a goodly store of pretty baskets of all shapes, sizes, and colors, quite confident that they would be filled, though not a flower had shown its head except a few hardy dandelions, and here and there a small cluster of saxifrage." (a type of herb called Greater Burnet).
The celebration of May Day is a great time. The time to welcome Summer, and celebrate new beginnings. Even better, go out into nature and pick wildflowers yourself to fill the May baskets. Tomorrow I am taking in May Flower baskets to leave on my co-workers desk I made from flowers I have gathered tonight on this beautiful Beltane eve. I wonder if they will figure out who brought them in. I guess I have to go in even earlier. I will just have time to wash my face with the first morning dew of May before I leave.
The wind is still gusting, though. It is a reminder of the tempest yesterday. I still feel unsettled. The energies are still uneasy. They oscillate between calming and raging again. The day could go in either direction.
Today I will busy myself with meetings. This afternoon I have to work on a project and get ready to train folks next week. I am glad for the distractions today. I can immerse myself in the mundane and let the rest of yesterday slip away.
I am fine, but the residue will hang in the building for a while. I get in early enough to clear the space of negative energy around my desk. I will work late also and spray some purifying washes I made as I cannot smudge at work. I may have to do this for a week or so, as the building I work in is huge. We have 1300 or so on any given day, so that is a large cube farm. I need a crop duster. I have a crystal grid around my desk, but I can't stay at my desk all day. I would shoot myself!
I love my sprays to clear energy. I work very well with air and water. These are my dominant energies. I use the crystals as a way to ground myself. Many crystals are formed with water, so it is easy for me to work with their energies as well.
Fire is the element I lack the most. This is why my house has so many deep red clay colors. They contain earth energies to ground me and the warmth of fire to balance my energies.
I have a badge I have to wear at work all the time, and I wanted to glue some crystals on the badge for protections, etc. Does anyone know what would work well with plastic and rocks to keep them in place?
I am pleased with this development as I find it is helping spur my own growth. I feel a greater sense of responsibility as well. People are also starting to notice and comment on the change inside me. Occasionally people have sought me out for my help first, without me having to delicately broach the subject. The first time this happened, I was a little surprised. One coworker came over today and told me she had employed a technique for dealing with a difficult person, and it had worked beautifully. I think I was more excited than she was with her success.
My mother also for the first time asked me to cast a small healing spell for her. I was stunned as she really did not understand that part of my spiritual life. My mother also has prophetic dreams and flashes of other people’s thoughts. She is also aware of other people’s energies, but really on a very primitive level. For her to ask me to help her with a spell was for her to accept my spiritual journey completely. I think she is slowly starting to understand the ritual process and how it helps you to visualize and empower your life.
It is so nice to know you have made a small POSITIVE difference in someone’s life. The validation helps me to realize I am finally starting to find my own path. I still do not know where I am heading, but it is so nice to have a small game trail to follow out of the wilderness. I hope I am heading up to the stars.
Myron from work was my brother in a long ago past life. My younger brother, which is why I feel a need to try to protect his energies from the toxic drain of work. This probably why he seems a little familiar as well, and why I made the rather odd move of expressing things I do not normally do so even to close friends.
Ex husband and I were in a hotel room together. We were hashing out old issues and got closer emotionally. I told him even if things had not taken the bad turn, I was much happier in the mountains in VA and with my job here. I have no regrets, and I think he is also a better person for having gone through the divorce. I hope he learned not to yell and drink so much with his current wife.
Afterwards, though, I fell and hit my head on the floor board in the hotel. I was out for a while, then when I went back to my room, three men were in my room talking and packing up my stuff. They could not see me at first. I had to manifest my physical presence before they could see me.
One ran off with a big white plastic bag of stuff. The bag was full, contents unknown, in a bag like you get at a department store. I did not have anything valuable, so I found this especially perturbing.
The second was a bell hop who shoved me down the stairs. The third was an assistant manager who went behind the front desk and ignored me. I started shouting "Police, Police" why smacking the bell on the desk.
I finally gave up.
There was lots more before, during and after that invloves chasing, etc. My dreams are always epic adventures, but these were the bits that stuck out.
I just want to know what they stole from me. I have felt lost ever since.
I wonder how I can get it back? I think it was something vital.
Sent: Wednesday, XXX
To: XXXXX
Subject: FW: 10:00 AM - POWER SHUT OFF
It is now ok to turn your computer systems back on. If you experience any problems,
please reboot your system. Thanks!
Later they wanted to know why no one read teh email and turned the computers back on.
I got this email a while ago, but I laugh every time I read it!!