The other paranormal group emailed me and asked if I wanted to attend their meetings and work on some investigations. I think I will do so. The folks are are closer to my age and are a little more grounded than the other group. They have a science teacher an no psychics. Psychics make me uncomfortable and I think most of them are strange. A lot of them are fakes. They want to believe. I count myself in the wanting to be believe but NOT a psychic. I am too cynical to really believe the person in front of me is gifted but hope there are folks out there that perhaps are gifted. Also, it might be nice to get involved with a group that does not include babysitting a shadow.

Nilda saw something attached to me as well this morning. Usually I have just one or two, but she also picked up several other energies. She did not feel they were negative, but she also did not think it was my grandfather, either. I knew it was not him. My grandfather pops in occasionally, but when he does so, he lets you know he is around. I had to take mirrors down out of my bedroom for a while as I kept seeing things out of the corner of my eye when they are around or in the mirror. It does not scare me anymore, so I did put them back up after I painted this time. I have seen him a few times since I put them back up again. Of course, I put the bear made from the flannel shirt he wore all the time right next to the mirror, so he tends to show up by the shirt. They tend to find it easier to be associated with objects from their life. He wore that shirt all the time, so it seems to be easy for him to find the bear. I even took the bear with me to the hospital. He makes me feel safer.

I never try to communicate with him other than what he says in dreams. I am not strong enough, yet, to mess with opening doors - other things try to come through. The attachment of the energies I now have following me around is proof that is not a good idea. I dont even use a pendulum right now or a spirit board. Spirit boards should not be sold as toys!!!! This really is a pet peeve of mine. I was only working with elemental energies recently and they seem to have like hanging out at my place for some reason. My energy must taste good or something. I think in a few more years, once my sheilding is stronger, I will maybe work with more invocations. I only like to work when my brother is out of the house as well, so the times I can do this are limited.

My house protections are pretty strong, but my personal protections tend to be spotty. I dont like restricting access to people who may need me. I dont usually tend to wear out or run out of energy. I have more of a problem with leakage and too much energy building up. I work really well as a conduit or a superconductor. I can focus it and pass it on to others - if I dont it starts to get a little uncomfortable. I know now it is because I need stronger grounding. If I could manage that, I dont think I would be as visible. Now I feel like a lighthouse when I walk into a room of people or in public. People from great distances seem to be drawn in - good and evil equally. I just have trouble grounding. I can feed it to other folks forever. It just seems wasted to me to pass it on without it doing some good. Plus, lets face it, I am forever flying about in the starry night. It is hard to be grounded when you never touch the ground to do so.

I always used to call myself chaotic neutral. For a long time, this may have been true.

After observing some of my thoughts in print and talking to my parents, I discovered I am actually very idealist and have extremely high ethical and moral standards.

You would think I like this discovery. I dont. It goes against EVERYTHING I had been trying to portray to the world and become.

I despise the moral majority and I think they are dangerous.

Perhaps this is why I dont like the statement. Does this mean I am everything I hate? I hope not.

Because I spend so much time examining what I think is right and good, trying to wrap my head around all sides of issues. I tended in the past to deconstruct the issue at hand and then get angry with myself because I tought I was bad or evil.

I try to put myself into other shoes so much to see their point that I would take on their pain and anguish.

Does this justify the means? Do I come closer to the truth in the end? I dont know.

Have I become wiser in the process? I think so.

This explains why I have always felt such a bond with archangel Michael and work with him so much. I will post later on Michael.


Does this mean I am a paladin? I dont think so.