My brothers Cat Sandy has also passed this week. Sandy was 18 or so years old and had diabetes. I was watching her while my brother was helping my parents were driving across country to AZ. Poor Sandry had a stroke Wednesday and could not hould her head up. I took her straight to the vet, but she was just too old and she could not even stand.

I have to say I am pretty much heart broken this week. My mom has moved away and we have lost two family pets.

Sandy has moved on into the light though. I was with her when she passed, of course. The vet gave her kitty valium to relax her, and she started purring as soon as the pain went away. She was one of the sweetest cats I have ever had the pleasure to know. I am glad she was able to move on to the light.

My moms cat has shown up at the empty house. We went to clean up the empty house for her that is for sale and saw the cat that had passed on the trip to AZ.

I have been trying to get the Kitty to pass on into the light or to move on to my house to join my cats. My mom has not yet settled into her home - she is in temporary quarters so I cant move her into mom moms new home yet.

I find the situation very sad. I am having no luck getting her spirit to move from the empty house. I am going to try again this weekend once to invite her to my house or to move into the light. My hope is to get her spirit to attach to the cat tree she loved so much and move it to my house this weekend.

I really don't like her being all alone in the house. No ghost should be alone in a house. spirits need family.

My parents are driving on the way to AZ with their two dogs and their three cats. One of the cats is 15 or so years old and passed away in the first 4 hours of the car trip. We think it was a heart attack, she was crying a little in the carrier. They had given kittie valium under vets orders, but the stress still was too much for her, I guess.

My poor mother is devestated and guilt wracked.

I am the same, but here in VA where I can only try to console her on the phone and cant even give her a hug anymore.

I keep feeling them along with the earht unrest, so I still think something biggre is coming - bigger than has already happened. Something that will be more shocking than we have seen in 40-50 years.


Tuesday 18th August

Major military action – bigger deaths





By the 23 of august will by the earthquake/volcano



Big storm - maybe this is what is going on but I doubt it. I feel it deep in the earth, not in the air or on the earth's surface.

Every night I burn a candle to protect as many people I can and to minimize the pain. Mother earth needs to correct an imbalance. What we see as cruel is actually healing to gai and needs to be done - over thousands of years, man will be better off and healthier perhaps if mother earth is healther. So for this, I can only light candles to help those in the path to listen to their guides and leave the area or to go to safe places, etc.

As far as the war - I have no idea what to do. I see the pendulum of violence oscillating back towards WW3. I have no idea what to do hear, other than the same I am doing above, lighting candles for those civilians in the way to get out of the way. I am lighting candles to bring wisdom to leaders, but I think they do not want to listen to wisdom. If they did, we would not be in the state we are to begin with.

Since I have gotten rid of the entity on my neck which I have had for as long as I can remember, my aura has changed from yellow to violet/indigo color. My husband is not very good at describing colors, so he keeps describing a bluey/purply then lavender, depending on where he is looking. He says I have silverish or whitish rays coming out of my hands though and my hands are kind of greenish and so is my chest area. he says I have goldish speckles around my head that has a violet extends around my head farther from my body than it used to. He also says it seems to be in flux, like it is settling down after having the soul eater gone.

I still have to discuss how I finally removed that from me. It involved a very long six hour death walking and soul retrieval that will take a very long time to describe. I will describe it in short detail because I don't want to give too many details to someone not trained in the shaman skills. A little bit of information can be dangerous.

I was hoping the migraines would be gone afterwards, but I should have realized they entity was with my whole life- from a past life, in fact - so getting rid of that would not make the migraines go away. It will, however, make it easier for me to heal myself and live with them. The migraines is still a part of a neurological re-wiring and ascension process and is still a wonderful thing that I will be grateful that happened.

I am also doing daily protections and clearing of my energetic fields, which helps a lot, too.

I will do a separate post about some interesting past life info I got on my brother and why I feel the need to take care of him so.


I am a new person and I am grateful and happy. I am now the light in the darkness, not blind in the dark.

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door —
Only this, and nothing more."

Her time is near. Very near. Her aura had been fading and shrinking. This morning it was brighter, silvery white, with gold speckles.

The two other dogs and two cats can see it as well. This weekend was a doggie vigil, we all lay near here giving her comfort.

Even the old, grumpy cat make a stop on the bed with us, gazing knowingly at the dog. It was as if to say, I ignored you, you ignored me - thanks for respecting my space.

Spike has been seen around this weekend, too. Those two were adorable when Spike was a baby. I think sometimes the gold speckles are him, but sometimes they feel stronger than a spirit as well.



Today will be a long, hard day. Pearl goes to the vet. I have to see an endocrinologist about my blood/health problems. It took 2 months to get an appointment with this doctor. I get my performance review at work today. David starts his new job today.

I will be tired tonight - maybe too tired to post.

Or why your glass is only half manifested.

My brother was muttering under his breath about me getting so excited about dead animals all over the property (see earlier post) This got me to thinking about why he is so miserable and living with his sister at 38 years of age still.

I choose to see the three little bodies as a sign of the cycles of life and the activity on the full moon winter cold morning.. as a sign of good things to come during this sleeping earth.

My brother was just grossed out by the corpses and thinks I am whacked for looking into a meaning for everything.

I am sure there is some truth to his point, but dammit, I am a hell of a lot happier than he is. I am never bored by life.

So here's to manisfesting with half a deck. The other half is on its way!

I have had three presents left on my front walk and deck - so it is either a kitty leaving presents - or a serical killer - or both, right?

I guess it could be a divination sign - what would one dead bird and two dead mice mean?
(again, I am thinking a new family member is coming... today is the full moon - recently I did work to get a new familiar.)

I doubt is the ghost of kittens past visiting me. One was a serial hunter, but she never lived here. Spike was a lover, not a fighter.

It could be coincidence, but the closeness of the bodies makes that a little strange.

Feeling broken right now....

flashbacks from an earlier incident today has left me off balance, off kilter.

Usually it takes a day or so for things to hit me, but today it hit a bit earlier.

I don't know if this is progress or regression, but I will know after a day gives me a broader perspective. I am too close to the feelings right now.

I am tired of feeling like the world has been ripped out from beneath me and being vulnerable. I do not deal well with vunlerable. I so want to eradicate the weakness in my walls.

To be so close yet wondering if you can make it to the finish line.


in painful disbelief


i ponder how much longer i can withstand this


I realize for others protection I should withdraw. I must save others from the darkness in my soul. I wonder if I can survive on my own.

This weary angel has fallen ... hard.... in painful disbelief

Time to update the old list
1 The day Spike passed (I put him down  I know it was for the best, but still, the pain stays with me)
2 The day Grandpa died
3 The day I died (at least it did not take)
4 The day of being tortured (my spirit died for a long time)
5 The day I had my abortion (drugs, other circumstance from rape, but still, the pain stays with me)

I still don't care much for Christmas, but I dont hate it anymore.   I love some of the family traditions such as the cookie decorating parties.

The day I moved back to the States is bumped off the list as I am glad now I moved back to Linthicum and Cleveland Rd.  I see that as a wonderful event now.   I like how good things in the present can improve how you view past events!   This also shows how much growth and letting go of old friendships have occured lately.  



the old list
http://kittyn-moon.livejournal.com/3388.html

chest does not hurt anymore, so things are looking up. I slept for 13 or so hours, which helped a lot. I don't feel lightheaded as much, either.



Maybe I can work more on my brothers side as well as mine to get most of what I wanted to do this week. I am feeling very good about things today.

In memory of my clematis  who passed on greener meadows 6-30-2007
May the fairies watch over you.

Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best

Try to slip past the defense
Without granting innocence

Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told them all along

And pray to God they hear you
And pray to God they hear you

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice

Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed


Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life









fragments of a song stuck in my head today

It is strange how each time you put up a little wall to protect your heart, it becomes easier to put it up again in the future. Once the foundation is laid, the soul remembers the comfort of a wall.

Each time I have held back te tears, put on a brave face - another brick gets added to the protections. I try to take them back later, but it seems to requrie a little more effort.

Today was a sad, bad day afterwards I very much needed a hug and a shoulder to cry on. I realize I cannot reach out to where my heart wants to be, and this made the pain a little sharper - too sharp to even be able to cry anymore. A deep freeze is setting in, smoothing out the rough edges of the wounds. The slowing temperature allows the blood to flow a little slower and stop the bleeding, so it is a natural response of the body and soul.

I just am not sure I have the energy today to even bother taking down the walls again. I am too tired this evening.

http://www.readthehook.com/blog/index.php/2007/06/27/pedestrian-hit-by-c
ounty-officer-dies/



I knew this woman. She was on the cleaning crew at work and I saw her a
few times a day. She did not speak much English, so most people ignored her. I always spoke to her, and she really was improving in her English. She seemed happy to have a friendly person to pay attention and help her out. Sometimes she would ask what a word meant and would get very excited when she was right. She seemed horribly unhappy and angry, to most other people in the office, and they did not like her.

I know why now she seemed so sad and angry to others. She was running from her husband who was abusive and she ran out into the road to get the police and was hit by the officer. They were responding to her terrified call to help her.

Myron knew the officer that hit her, so between the two of us, we were feeling a little somber all day. I also feel very badly for the police officer who hit the lady. I can't
imagine trying to live with this type of situation, either.

strange - this is my tarot reading for the day..

I decided to stay home today and work wednesday. I have not been able to sleep since saturday afternoon since I took a nap right after I came home. I do this a lot - once I fall asleep after a shock I will be ok again. If I can't sleep soon, though, I may bug my doctor. If I go too long without sleep I will end up getting quite ill-lack of sleep seems to trigger my asthma... the medication for asthma makes it harder to sleep, and the robious strip continues on.


Here's your Tarot Reading for MAY 21, 2007.

There's a sad day ahead in terms of your personal life, dear kristine... Under the influence of the Hermit, you're inclined to withdraw into your shell, while the Death card lends a solemn atmosphere to your emotional situation, suggesting that a disagreement or separation is in the air. Perhaps you need to take stock of the situation with regard to some element of your emotional past? A person, a place, a memory. Ponder the question, but don't make any irreversible decisions today. At work, there's nothing much happening right now. Death is inviting reflection rather than action, and this may lead you to give up some material comfort in your search for the truth. Make the most of the situation to reassess your goals and ambitions - it can't do you any harm.

Mom is coming over in a minute and we are going to the vet with Spike. I will update when I get back.


I realized why this is a little harder than I expected because my dog is a senior gal and has started having trouble getting around. At 70 pounds, it is a little tricky by mself to get her boosted up, but we manage. She is patient and I am stubborn. I am sure we look a bit silly sometimes, though. Dad is going to help me shorten my bed so she won't hurt herself trying to get up. This will help a lot.

My other two cats are also 15 plus years. They are fine, but I was bracing myself over the past couple of years for losing the dog and the older cats, and Spike helping me through. I never expected to lose the baby first.

I am taking my favorite shirt in the carrier. It is also Spikes favorite shirt. I don't know if they will creamate the shirt with him, but I am going to see if they can. I don't know if this is what will happen, but I have a feeling that if not today, it will be soon.

Little Spike is such a tough little guy. He carries on, follows me around, but he is so thin it pains me to see him. I am pretty sure he is putting on a tough face for me, and me for him. He does not exhibit any of the signs the vet told me to watch for to indicate he is uncomfortable, though. I just keep watching him fall asleep and I am always a little surprised that he manages to wake up again.

I know this sounds a little strange, but I really do feel I have learned so much from Spike and I am grateful for the short time he was with me. I just hope he feels the same way in is little kitty manner. A friend called me yesterday to ask me if spike was visiting me from the other side. I said not yet, but she seems convinced he will. He is too strong of a familiar not to check in - either through dreams or through spirit presence. She has a cat spirit that she picked up recently through a haunted object. This is a VERY long tale I will tell later on when I have more time. It relates to another paranaormal group, but one of the girls in it who, I do not feel comfortable with, so it will be friends only. I know, I have been very lax in posting. I have a very strange tree/spider dream last night as well I am going to post later. It will be therapeutic. Now that I think about it, it does include some folks from the other paranormal group that I like,and some folks from the fairies circle group, and my friend who called though. I just realized that. That puts some of the players into place.

Grandma also was telling me her dog scooter often visited and even slept on the bed with her somtimes.

Well, I am babbling to distract myeslf, so I am going to go for now.

And no worries, I am fine. Just finding it hard to maintain an outflow of peace and love and strength for Spike this morning. Truly this is good practice and is making me stronger, though. Something else to be gratefule for.

I am waiting to decide if it is time to take Spike to the vet for his final sleep. I am waiting for him to tell me he is ready, but so far nothing. He still follows me around, sleeps with me and seems fine. He is losing more and more weight every day though, so it is hard to watch. He does not eat much, but he eats a bite or two every time I put food in front of him.

I have asked to have the answer come to me in dreams, but my dreams have been very quiet about spike. Active in other areas, but I have been working weekends and spending the rest of the time between grandma and spike, so I am behind in most of my postings. I am too tired, both physically and emotionally to post too much right now.

This morning, I am sitting listening to the birds cheerfully greeting the morning sunrise. I find comfort in this reminder of life's small moments of joy that are everywhere as long as you take a moment to look for the beauty.

I was discussing with my mother and grandmother (Grandma, 79, visiting once again from Washington State.) how I knew my little Spike was coming closer to his time. I can feel the bright, airy white auara stronger this morning.

Grandma got a little teary eyed and told me she saw that with Grandpa before he passed. She remarked that outside of the family, few people understand that death's aura is white. The common misconception is it is black. Death at its proper time can be a peaceful and beautiful moment for the one passing.

I found out that before my grandfather passed, his mother visited him from the other side to comfort him and to ease his transition. Grandma was there and saw his reaction, but not his mother. Still, his comfort at grandpa accepting his passing eased my grandma's mind as well.

Now that Grandma has dumped her latest boyfriend who was much too young for her (she looks and acts much younger than she is Go, Grandma!) Grandpa has been checking in on her again. All the children of my grandpa has also had him visit in dreams and occaionally in shadow form to make sure we are all ok.

This has helped me so much in keeping a positive and loving cord of emotion to little Spike.

The only question I struggle with now is to bury him or creamate him. For some reason, I feel he wants to be buried, but I worry in finding the spot, etc. I know it is silly, but I the the ghost hunting makes me pause about creamation. I feel he will want to visit and check up on me and the dog. I have run into many theories if you burn the bones, they can't cross over. I don't think this is true, but still, it is plageuing me.