My brothers Cat Sandy has also passed this week. Sandy was 18 or so years old and had diabetes. I was watching her while my brother was helping my parents were driving across country to AZ. Poor Sandry had a stroke Wednesday and could not hould her head up. I took her straight to the vet, but she was just too old and she could not even stand.

I have to say I am pretty much heart broken this week. My mom has moved away and we have lost two family pets.

Sandy has moved on into the light though. I was with her when she passed, of course. The vet gave her kitty valium to relax her, and she started purring as soon as the pain went away. She was one of the sweetest cats I have ever had the pleasure to know. I am glad she was able to move on to the light.

My moms cat has shown up at the empty house. We went to clean up the empty house for her that is for sale and saw the cat that had passed on the trip to AZ.

I have been trying to get the Kitty to pass on into the light or to move on to my house to join my cats. My mom has not yet settled into her home - she is in temporary quarters so I cant move her into mom moms new home yet.

I find the situation very sad. I am having no luck getting her spirit to move from the empty house. I am going to try again this weekend once to invite her to my house or to move into the light. My hope is to get her spirit to attach to the cat tree she loved so much and move it to my house this weekend.

I really don't like her being all alone in the house. No ghost should be alone in a house. spirits need family.

My parents are moving to Arizona and I am a bit torn, now. I have to figure out how to move my spirit pets as well as my four live dogs and live cat. We will have a very full car.

Also, Arizona is the land of the sun. What does that mean to my migraines. But, it also means no allergies. Is that better? I have trouble with mirgraines with allergies. Maybe it is better to to move and have no allergy medication.

Of course the housing market means we cant do anything for a couple of years. Also I cant transfer jobs for a couple of years until my health improve enough for my job to be willing to transfer me, too.

Then again, maybe I need a fresh start.

So many paths.

I have to say I am quite depressed about the thought of my mom moving across country.

I know I am big girl.

But doesnt every girl need her mom sometimes? And right now, with everything going on with my headaches and what not, the thought of mom being down the road is very important to me. I cant drive right now. She is retired.

I did not realize how much of a crutch emotionally she has become.

Maybe it is a good thing. Long term. She moves in only three weeks, though. Dad is in the army.

I am not ready for this. Yet.

Funny thing is I am always the strong one emotionally in the relationship. She is the one crying about moving. When we are together. This is so hard.

They having me going to a specialist Monday, Thursday and Friday (during my vacation which sucks and I am trying cranial sacral and botox injectionss to see if anything helps because the migraines are getting worse instead of better. I am so tired and freaking annoyed of feeling like a guineee pig that I honeslty think they have no idea of what they are doing.

I think they are really waiting for the parathyroid stuff to come back and to see if it the parathyroid cancer like my mother had. That would suck thouhg, beceause my vitamin d and calcium levels have been off for years- which means I have had this issue for years so who knows how far it cuold have gone if this is the cause. I think this is why they are trying everying else and praying that is NOT what it is - it would have been a great diagnosis 3 years ago.

I guess I am just really annoyed. This is a very rare genetic disorder, but mom forgot she had until a week ago after the neurologitst saw the massive dose of vitamin d pills fall out of my purse. She just kind of paused, got pale and started asking questions.

We shall see. What are the odds, rigt. Dr says it is a pretty slim chance of being the cause. Even though it would explain every single symptom.

Turns out they never took out the parathyoid in mom, either. They did some wierd investigational stuff at Johns Hopkins in the 70's (if you know the hopspital, I am sure you are not shocked). Anyhoo, mom has some of the same stuff going on, just in differenet variations, so she is going to the Dr today to get hers tested. It turns out the work they did was not really that great. It stoppted it for a while, but with parathyroid, the cancer always started growing again, so unless the remove the entire gland, it will come back.

In a Dali like fashion, it has a persistence of memory. Even if you remove all four of the glands, sometimes it starts growing again so you constantly have to have it rechecked. It is slow growing, but ususally returns withing 5-7 years, so I am not surpised mom has so many symptoms. Strange, all over symptoms as it is a hormone.

Confession time now. My husband never reads this, so he won't see it here. I havent mentioned him that they are looking at it probably being a parathyroid cancer - that is what mom had, too... based on the levels of vitamin d, calciumm and some other stuff over the years in the blood work when I went to the endocrenologist, which I don't really understand. Mom had that and a pituitary tumor at the same time, which seems strang, I know. Am I a bad person for not saying this? I told him that is what my mother had, though. I don't think it is worth the worry until it is true, right?

Am I withholding? I hate it when people do that to me, but David likes to be in a happy place and has that many times, so it feels like the right thing to do but but still.

Ok, I am done bitching for today. Well, this morning at least.

These new meds make me lose about 3 pounds a week.

Now it is not a big deal but soonit will be. Soon I will have nothing left to lose, then what will I do. I read that it can be a big problem with this medication, and I was excited.. I assumed it would slow down, though. It has not, yet. Usually, as you get closer to your goal weight, your weight loss slows, so I just thought this would happen to me.

Who the hell thought I would ever be saying this?

Funny thing is, half the meds they took me off was causing weight gain. I was sleep walking. I was eating in my sleep. Starving all damed day, then eating in my sleep. How pissed off was I.

I was also eating things:

I hate
I am allergic to
that gave me hives
so they would give me meds
that made me fucking gain weight (steroids)


If that is not some screwed up crap, I don't know what is. I thought Marty was giving the peanut butter to the dogs in the day while I was working. I was eating it at night.


At the same time, mom was slowly starving to death because she had celiac disease. She was eating 9-10,000 calories a day and was wasting away. She was putting full cream on her cereal, eating candy, ice cream and 5-6 meals a day and losing weight while I was starving myself and putting on weight. Now that she knows what she has, she has to eat normal and is putting the weight I seem to be losing. Of course she looks healthy and lovely now, but she is pretty pissed off about not being able to eat like willy wonka after 60 years.


Life can be a little strange.

Dad just sits and listens to us bitch, eating his salad and looking pissed off and miserable. He doesnt feel sorry for either of us. I remember wanting to choke mom once or twice when she was sitting eating cake complaining how much weight she had lost so I understand how he feels.

Someone made a good point that my research did seem to focus on the negative of the owl totem. I want to make the point the research I was doing was from the point of making sense of the dream, not to givea true picture of the noble owl and all of its beauty and strength.


I focused on the native american part because i had a feeling part of it was related to my brother - and those part of the omens and totem info is about my brother. Owl is not my totem so I thought the info and perspective was more about him.

I do have some, but a smaller amount of native american blood. Up to this point. my main conversation about owls was to try to make my land more friendly for them so we can keep the snake and copperhead population down - I have a lot of land in the blue ridge mountain area of VA, or should we get bats instead. We already have one screech owl and another smaller owl and I did not want to get so many they have to over compete each other so we were leaning towards a bat house.

Usually, when I have a totem, they come to me in person, and leave signs. For example, a crow once landed in front of me once, cawed three times, then flew away. He left a feather. This was a totem message for me personally.

The owl message was for a family member is how I took it. A very important message, but not one that meant it was my totem. I just needed to understand the message.

Since, I had a few things happen.

First, my personal black dog, my black lab, does travel with me in my dreams some times. Poor thing, she does get night mares and seems frightened when I get scary dreams and she tries to protect me.

My parents (my dad told me yesterday) they will be moving across across country. Mom says they have no choice but to move. This does mean I will be left with my adult ailing brother who is slightly mentally challenged, physically challenged, VERY depressed and I can see a physical illness developing. I see this turning out very badly. He does not take care of himself and he has to have his gallbladder out, but there is some concern his liver itself may be starting to go as well.

I think this is what the dream was warning me about.

My Wisdom will get me through, but there are big changes, and I still am afraid, in this case, as my brother is part of the culture where the owl is where it is an omen of death, it will turn out badly for him. I also feel that he really will be happier on that path and there is not a lot we can do to stop it. We each choose our own path before.

I love my husband!

He looks bigger than any groundhog I have ever seen. He also looked a lot lighter, and mottled - almost cream and tan.


What the hell? Am I just seeing a really big ass fat neighbor cat out of the corner of my eye or something?

My moms cat would fit the bill if he was not so ginger and about 40 miles closer. He is one of the biggest cats I have seen. Sweet, too.



Young buster too lazy already to stand up and eat his treat. He was tired.

Moms three other cats and two dogs do not have a weight problem at all. Buster says its all just fluff.

You can see my grandfather who passed was visiting - the trailing orb that seems solid in front of the vase.

You can also see the native american influence in the genes where I get the love of herbs, stones and dreamwalking. This is my mom and her brother.


I was heartbroken to not be healthy enough to fly for the reunion.

I am ok. They are not sure what is going on. They put me on a seizure medication and a migraine medication as well plus a vertigo/dizziness. All three run in the family - the doctor figures the flu virus or high fever triggered the epilepsy which triggered migrains - and they have gone into a vicious cycle. I am on enough stuff to kill a horse, but they say once they stop the cycle - I can cut back to smaller doses and be fine with occasional relapses migraines. I used to get only one or two migraines a year - not nearly as bad - so I have high hopes.

When i have the petit mal seizure, I freeze up and loose time and memory for a while - and it takes a long time to get back to normal. The time to recover is getting better now with the meds, so I feel confident this is what is going on.

I had an MRI - they were afraid it was a stroke - but that is perfect. Next they have to send me to a neurologist to do an eeg (brainwaves) and a CAT scan, but the fact the migraine and seizure meds are slowly helping is a very good sign. The seizure med really takes about two weeks to fully work, so I REALLY want to be back to work monday. My speech is better when - it gets bad after an attack, but not as bad as it had been. Thank god.

My car has been at work for the past three weeks because I could not drive home. The doctor did say I may not be able to drive for a long time/ever, which annoys the heck out of me. I can get in a van pool, though. It actually goes right by my driveway because the van driver lives on the same street as me, so that is not gonig to be a problem. Long term that may save me a lot of money.

Light triggers the migraines, so I am logging off for now and going to sleep.

Or why your glass is only half manifested.

My brother was muttering under his breath about me getting so excited about dead animals all over the property (see earlier post) This got me to thinking about why he is so miserable and living with his sister at 38 years of age still.

I choose to see the three little bodies as a sign of the cycles of life and the activity on the full moon winter cold morning.. as a sign of good things to come during this sleeping earth.

My brother was just grossed out by the corpses and thinks I am whacked for looking into a meaning for everything.

I am sure there is some truth to his point, but dammit, I am a hell of a lot happier than he is. I am never bored by life.

So here's to manisfesting with half a deck. The other half is on its way!

5- trees hit by lightening

3- new residents to my household

2- family pets passed to brighter meadows

1- drive through wedding in Vegas

3- water damage incidents

4- floors ruined from water

42 legs living in my house
1 husband
5 cats
4 dogs
1 brother




I miss you, Spike. I dedicate 2008 in your honor, helping fuzzies who need assistance in your name.

My main frustration right now is getting everything I ordered before we head up there. I ordered it over a week ago, but rural mail seems to add two days even to UPS. I have a few small things coming still that is starting to stress me. I got a Lowes gift certificate for Rob with Nate's picture on it, which I am quite excited about. This is what I am worried about coming in the mail. I keep telling myself it is not about the presents, but about the people, right!

I am a little embarrased to admit David and I have a new family member as of today. His name is Rosko, and it was a very sad situation. I am such a huge sucker, so we now have a little jack russel mix in our house. The older dog, Pearl, is not doing well so I fear she won't make it through the winter. Mia, David's dog, would be very lonely during the day on her own, so it is a good thing for her in the long run. I just hope he bonds well to David. I have to make sure he is the one to feed him and take care of him for the first few weeks.

David used to come to our family cookie parties 25 years ago - and usually made a biniki angel. In honor of past traditions - he updated the cookie with a thong - she looks a bit like a wrestling diva..

I love the Loverboy Duck he did as well

David at the drivethrough in Vegas



The ceiling of the really tacky drive through where we got married

My new Guardian Dog
She is mostly black lab but has german shepard in her as well.

Last night after I finished cleaning the sheets again on the couch from where the dog had yacked again, cleaning the floor with same mess, I finally came to the conclusion that if a sick dog was this bad, how bad would it be with a child?

David has been a saint. He boiled chicken for Pearl to eat, carries her up and down the stairs, and is very patient with her. And me. I was siting on the kitchen floor petting the younger dog who is a big jealous from the attention the sick dog is garnering, too tired to stand up. David then comments tells me I would make a wonderful mother I would be- so caring and selfless in my love for my pets. He cant wait to have a child with me.

Talk about timing... My smile on my face was the answer we both needed, though.

Pearl is still not eating but she is drinking water with pedialite in it. If she does not start eating soon, we are going to have further problems with her.


I love David.



This is David with Kittyn - who won't let ANYONE else pick her up. Mom was shocked how good she is with him. I think it is a testament about the type of person he is.

Did I mention how much I love David.

Ok, no more sappy crap for at least a couple of days.

My nephew, Nate